You look over at your friend who has two daughters who are sitting quietly, playing independently, and not in constant motion and wonder what in the world is wrong with your son. You must be doing something wrong as a parent, right?! Well, as a mom of two sons and a daughter, and a therapist who has worked with so many families over the past 16 years, I know your son is just a boy! I know raising a son is a challenging job, so I thought I would offer some quick pointers just for moms.
Your son needs:
Love and Understanding. It’s so hard to understand why they think saying the word poop is so fascinating and making that fart sound is so ridiculously funny, but it really is to them. So, just love them and understand they are normal for thinking that stuff is funny.
Patience. There is not enough patience in the parenting world for moms raising boys. They are often in non-stop motion and non-stop thinking mode. So, just take a deep breath and tell yourself they are just boys!
Structure. You say don’t cross that line and buddy, they can’t wait to do it. You tell them to clean their room and unless you check behind them, it just doesn’t get done. Moms are typically more nurturing and loving than dads, and dads are typically more structured than moms. So, you have to step outside of your mommy nurturing zone and provide structure. The best rule here is that “you can’t do B until A gets done”, and you, as the parent must check behind them to make sure A was done before they can move on. For instance, “you can’t go outside to play until your homework is done”. Then, you check the homework to make sure it got done before they get to go outside.
Rewards. Boys love to hear how awesome they are! So, don’t miss out on the opportunities to tell them when they are doing exactly what you asked them to do, and reward them with outings, extra electronic time, or special toys or treats when they are doing a great job.
To stay busy. Boys have a ton of energy that must be expended. So, plan ahead play-dates, sports, visiting playgrounds or local tracks, run, swim, go on a hike, just get them moving every day. Also, keep their minds busy by assigning projects like creating youtube videos or movies, playing educational games, board games, drawing, writing, reading, and any other creative activity to engage their active brains.
Input from Men. As much as us moms often think we know the best approach for raising our sons, we are not always right. Men were boys once, and they are often just better at being structured. Plus, they understand the whole fart sound thing and get the way your sons brain works! So, it can be helpful to take advice from men, especially when it comes to their ideas about structure.
Boys are such a blessing, it’s just hard to see it like that when they their behavior and thinking is so different than that of a mothers. As a mom, if you can make conscious choices with your parenting approach, your son will be better behaved as a result.