It’s been almost 5 years post-divorce for me with 3 children and I have worked with countless families who have been through divorce and it ‘aint easy to co-parent, that’s for sure! You think it will be easier to parent without the stress of a strained marriage, but you quickly discover how it’s even more challenging when the parents are no longer married because they have two totally different ideas about how the children should be raised.
Mom likes this school, dad likes that one, mom likes her daughter playing soccer, dad wants her to take gymnastics, mom is less structured, dad doesn’t let anything slide. The differences can be overwhelming, but you must remember you both do agree on something! You both love your child and want the very best for him or her no matter what. You just approach things differently, and that’s ok! Trust me, in most cases your child is better off to be exposed to these differences, as long as you two can work your very hardest to appear amicable to your children.
Here are a few suggestions to improve your skills with co-parenting (no excuses!):
Forgive your ex for whatever they have done to hurt you. Everyone is hurt in a divorce, but hanging on to hurt will just damage your ability to work together.
Let your anger go! You must do whatever it takes to not be angry at your ex anymore. (e.g., Counseling, exercise, talking to friends or your pastor, etc.)
You have to understand that you will never be able to change your ex. They are who they are, and you will not change that. The sooner you can accept them for who they are, the better.
You have to negotiate, and understand that you will not always have things your way. They will have their suggestion, you have yours, and you go back and forth until you meet somewhere in the middle.
Email is the best form of communication if there is a lot of tension between you two. Everything is documented and you don’t have to have a verbal argument this way.
Try to handle things between you two and not have attorneys involved, if at all possible. If you have already been through court, try to express to your ex that you are done with court and want to work things out between the two of you.
Your time with your child is a gift. It is your time. Appreciate every minute of it.