Imagine you are on an airplane traveling to Cancun with your family, and holding your 2 year old son in your lap. The plane suddenly begins to malfunction, and your life flashes before you. You panic and quickly reach for the oxygen mask that has been released before you. Then, what do you do? Do you put it on yourself or your child first? You have heard the flight attendants instruct you on how to handle this oxygen mask situation when flying with children a gazillion times before, but you are frozen and can’t remember what to do.
It’s the same panicky feeling when you are in the checkout line and your child asks for a candy bar like they always do, yet you know it’s been a long day, they are cranky, and their fit is about to hit full throttle when you so no! It’s that same panicky feeling as when you get a report home from school and your child got a red because they couldn’t stop talking to their classmates all day. It’s that same panicky feeling when you tell your child to stop watching their favorite show to go clean their room, and they give you crocodile tears and a guilt trip for interrupting their time.
What do you do? You put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then you assist your child with their mask. You take care of YOU first. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? You are wondering, “How can I have time to take care of myself first when the plane is rapidly crashing?”. If you do not give yourself oxygen first you absolutely will not be able to help your child get the oxygen they need.
“How do I have time to take care of myself when I am constantly taking care of my children and responding to their needs?”, you wonder. My suggestion is that you hit pause somewhere along the way and brainstorm what you can do to help yourself to be happy, healthy, strong, confident, and at peace with yourself and others. I suggest you set aside time to develop a plan for how you are going to help yourself to be the person you have always wanted to be. I suggest you stop putting out fires in your family and give yourself what you need to be the best person you can be. I suggest that you really learn how to give yourself what you need to be happy and healthy.
A few steps to following the oxygen mask theory of parenting:
First: Write down descriptive words about the person you want to be (Your goal is to be what? e.g., happy, healthy, strong, confident, resilient, competent, loving)
Second: Write down what it takes to become that person. (What do you need to do to become the person you want to be? e.g., exercise, eat better, work, go to counseling or a support group, go to church, join a book or social club, go out with your friends or significant other, read, sing, dance)
Third: Write down specific goals you want to achieve and hang them where you can see them daily. (e.g., I will join a gym, I will participant in a gardening club, I will get a job)
It is so hard to hit the pause button in life long enough to think about what you need for YOU, but by choosing steps to take towards being happy with yourself, you will help your kids to be happy too.